he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
