my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
