It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
