I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
