I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize