Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
