What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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