So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
