i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
