dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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