I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Crop dusting thru forever 21
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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