The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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