I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
