strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
The air taste purple.
Randomize