Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
