i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I want a musical about memes.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
