We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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