So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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