I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
