im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Randomize
