Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
