im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
