god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
You took a bar mat shot.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
