"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize