my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
