Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
