Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
A bitchslap is in order.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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