whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
