Where are you?
In a non slutty way
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
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