I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
