it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
