I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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