AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
