I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
