Who wears a wallet chain?!
my shit smells like andre
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
