What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
