I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
