Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
