I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
