I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
