i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
