Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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