this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
