how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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