similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
