I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize