if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
