The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
