Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
my poor anus
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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