he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
