Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
