My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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