Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
