I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
