Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
