I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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