When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize