can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
