How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I smell like Dick and happiness
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
