so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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