im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Another day, another engagement, another cat
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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