Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
