I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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