apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
