i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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