I puked a lego.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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