Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I think im going to throw up on grandma
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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