i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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