Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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