New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
