You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
