I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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