Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
