she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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