they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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