The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Randomize
