Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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