dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize