she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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