for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
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