Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
