u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
