He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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