i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
