He uses pillows to masturbate.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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