idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
